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I FEEL AS IF I KNOW LESS AND LESS WHO I AM; I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE A PERMANENT FACE ANY MORE. I FEEL MORE LIKE A CLOUD -- SPACIOUS AND LIGHT -- THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE SAY SOMETHING?
It is not a wrong turn. You are on the right path.
Your personality, your actions, your thoughts, your mind, your emotions -- none of them is your reality. So naturally one who goes in search of himself finds himself in this strange position, that every day he becomes less and less instead of becoming more and more.
The logical mind says, "What are you doing? You have been searching for yourself and all that is happening is that you are losing all those things that you used to think are yourself. You must be taking a wrong turn. Come back! The old way was better. You could collect more thoughts and become more. You could cultivate a better personality, more polished. You could rise in the world of ambitions and you would have been something -- a president, a prime minister, a celebrity." That seems to be the right path to the logical mind.
But remember, the logical mind is continually going to deprive you of the right direction. The right direction is bound to be that you will become less and less, because all that is false will be understood as false. A moment will come when you will know that everything is false. You are just a witness, at the most, a point of witnessing. But this is only half the journey.
Before knowing the truth, one has to know the false -- because we live in the false. So we have to know it, we have to drop it, and we have to be empty of the false, utterly empty, so that the truth of our being can fill the space. There will be a gap, a very small gap... but it will look like eternity.
When the false leaves you and the real comes in there is a little gap, a fragment of a second. But because of the emptiness it looks as if eternity has passed. And those are the moments when the master, when the family of the master, can be of immense help. Just the presence of the master is enough proof: "Don't get frustrated. Learn to wait and learn to be patient. If it can happen to one man, it can happen to all."
And
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