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the best jobs were actually taken away from me before I had a chance to do anything with them.
Now I'm left with... doing security guarding for the therapy bathrooms... there isn't much scope in it.]
No, don't think in those terms. Whatsoever work is given to you, do it as lovingly as possible. The point is not whether the work is very important or not. If you do it lovingly, it becomes important, whatsoever it is even if it is cleaning. The question is not what work -- the question is that you surrender to the ashram all your energies; and whatsoever is available, or whatsoever Laxmi thinks is right, you do.
Simply surrender to Laxmi. That is going to help very much. Just listen to her, and whatsoever she says, do. This is a meditation for you -- surrendering to Laxmi.
[The sannyasin said:... a lot of fear was coming up about the prospect of going back to the West.]
There is no need to go, unless you yourself want to. But if you don't become a part, an organic part of the ashram, and you remain aloof.... Because Laxmi feels that whatsoever she gives you, there are a few problems. And the basic problem that I have understood is that you would like it to be done your way. That creates trouble. Simply relax and say, 'Show me the way and I will do it.' Simply execute it and don't try to dominate it.
Sometimes you may know better, and your plan may be better, but still, drop it, because you will have to fit with many people and they all feel it is difficult to work with [you] because you have your fixed ideas. I'm not saying that those ideas are wrong. They may be better, but the problem is that you have to fit with everybody. If everybody feels that it is difficult to work with [you], then it becomes difficult for Laxmi to arrange.
So simply drop your ideas. Tell Laxmi that whatsoever she feels like, just to tell you and you will do it. You will put your whole energy into it and will not put forward your ideas, your plans, because Laxmi knows the whole situation better.
For three months simply relax, then we will see. And she is bound to listen to you. If you have some good ideas, she is bound to listen to you.
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