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going too fast into too many things, and fear is natural.
You have done Encounter One!
[A sannyasin who is leaving says: I felt very asleep all the time I've been here. I felt really frustrated and... veiled.]
It has been always there; you became aware here, that's all. You have lived in sleep, but you were not aware.
And when one is not aware one goes on living the same way; there is no trouble. Now you are aware of it; this is the good thing that has happened. You need not be frustrated, you should be happy, because this is the beginning of how things change. First you become aware of a certain thing; that is the beginning, the first ray, but it disturbs your ideas about yourself, hence the frustration. Everybody thinks he is living a very alert and awake life and when he becomes aware that he is not alert, not awake, that he is fast asleep, the self-image is shattered. And when people go in search of truth and god, or whatsoever they call it, in fact they are not searching for truth and they are not searching for god: they are simply searching for some place, some methods, some ways to enhance their self-image. So this is a problem. If you come into a situation when the enquiry really begins, you will feel frustrated. If you get caught in wrong hands you will not feel frustrated because they will simply console you. They will paint your image more beautifully and they will tell you how beautiful and how spiritual you are and that feels good!
That's how there are so many pseudo teachers around the world. Their whole trade secret is simply this: whosoever comes to them, they help the person's illusion to become more consolidated and everybody feels good. When you come across a real teacher difficulties are bound to be there because he cannot support your illusion of yourself; he has to cut your image chunk by chunk, and it hurts.
The first thing that Gurdjieff used to give to anybody who wanted to be initiated was his wrist-watch. He would tell him, 'Sit in front of me and watch the second-hand moving. If you can be alert for sixty seconds, just for sixty seconds, if you can remain alert to the second-hand moving and keep
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