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momentous phenomenon. But if you are not the deciding one -- you came here because your wife was here or your husband was here, your friends were here and you came here and you saw so many people moving in orange, and you started feeling an outsider, and you started feeling a little uneasy, that you look alien, and because of that you also took sannyas -- then this is decidophobia, this is not disciplehood; then you have followed the crowd. Your sannyas is not worth anything -- because it is not your sannyas at all. You have imitated. Never imitate. Be decisive on your own, and every decision will give you more and more integration.
And this is a great decision -- to commit yourself, to get involved totally, to move with me towards the unknown. The mind will create a thousand and one doubts, hesitations; the mind would like to cling to the past -- but if you decide, in spite of all this, you rise above your past, you transcend your past.
But don't try to be clever. Try to be authentic and true. Don't try to rationalize... because you may have taken sannyas without any decision on your part. You may have drifted with the crowd. Then you will rationalize it. You will say: Yes, this is my decision. But whom are you trying to kid? You are deceiving only yourself.
I have heard an anecdote:
The mother was scolding her oldest son: "I have told you before that you should let your little brother play with the toys half the time."
"I do!" protested the kid. "I use the sledge going downhill and let him use it going uphill -- half the time!"
Don't try to be clever. You can call your decidophobia a disciplehood -- but you are not deceiving me, you are deceiving only yourself. Be clear about it. Great clarity is needed in the search for truth.
The third question:
Question 3
BELOVED OSHO,
WHY DOES SO MUCH REACTION COME TO ME AGAINST DISCIPLINE?
AND AN ATTRACTION AND A VOICE SAYING, "YOU MUST!"
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBEYING AND SURRENDER?
There is a great difference. Not only a difference: obeying and surrender are diametrically opposite. Listen well.
If you are surrendered
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