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he would always say, "I am going to retire; now I have enough. Just a few things have to be arranged, because it is not good to leave things incomplete, and then I will retire."
Last time I visited him I asked him, "When? Will you retire after your death? And you go on saying that first you have to complete things but you go on starting new things, so they will never be completed."
He said, "No, now I have fixed a time, that after ten years I will retire."
He was sixty then, now he is dead. He worked hard and he lived like a beggar just hoping that some day he was going to enjoy. But by the time he had money, he had become obsessed with having more, to have more....
One very basic thing has to be understood: these things are not going to fulfill you because they are not basic needs. One needs something else. But that something else has to be searched for within yourself; nobody else can give you the direction. You have your destiny within you. You have the blueprint within you. Before you start running after anything, the most fundamental thing is to close your eyes, get in tune with yourself, with your energy, and listen to it -- and whatsoever it says is good for you. Then you will feel fulfillment. By and by, you will come closer and closer to your blooming, to your flowering.
But people are afraid to become themselves. People are very afraid to be themselves, because if you try to be yourself you will become alone. Everybody is unique and alone. If you try to be yourself, you will feel aloneness. So people follow others, the crowd; they become one with the crowd. There they do not feel alone... surrounded, so many people are there. If you meditate, you will be alone, and if you get mad after money, you will never be alone -- the whole world is going there. If you search for God you will be alone; but if you search for politics, power, then the whole world will be there, you will never be left alone.
People are afraid of being alone. And people can never know themselves if they are afraid of being alone, they can never search for the bull.
Walter Kaufmann has coined a new word for a certain fear that has always
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