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always thought I was strong. Now it just gets me into trouble. I don't know what I feel.... ]
You don't feel that strong? That strength was nothing. That strength was just the ego, and now you are becoming really strong. But this strength is bound to be fragile. It is like a flower: strong enough to face the whole world and yet very fragile... can be crushed. It can be crushed just by a child who can throw a rock. Fragile, because by the evening it will be gone. But when it is there it can face wind, it can face sun it can face the whole world! This is a totally different kind of strength. Lao Tzu calls it the strength of the weak, the richness of the poor, the knowledge of the ignorant, the wisdom of the fool. This is a totally different thing.
The strength you used to feel was nothing but ego-strength. There was a crust of strong ego. That's how in the West all strong people feel, mm? because in the West there is only one definition of strength, and that is of ego strength. One has to have a very strong ego, a ripe ego, a crystallised ego, to fight, to struggle. This is a totally different phenomenon that is happening -- it is the strength of surrender.
So you will feel for a few days. . .Teertha is right that you are somewhere in the middle. You will feel for a few days as if you are hanging in the middle, because the past is no more there. That's why you are so confused and you cannot even say why. But soon it will happen. The ego is disappearing; don't try to cling to it. Accept this weakness that has arisen. A child is weak, a flower is weak. When water falls from a hill, it is weak, and the rocks that it falls on are very strong. But in due time the rocks will be gone and the water will still be there. If momentarily you think that the rock is very strong and the water is very weak... can you find anything weaker than water?
Lao Tzu calls his way the watercourse way. He says not to be like a rock. In the moment you will look very strong, but in the long run the rock is bound to disappear into sand, and the water is going to win. Finally the weaker wins.
Jesus says, 'Those who are last in the world will be the first in my
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