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of a master: he has to be a death. And, yes, to die is difficult, hard. That diarrhea is nothing but a mind thing: you are so much afraid that fear is creating diarrhea. But it is good -- it will cleanse the body. Your body, your mind, both need deep cleaning.
That's why whenever clouds are not there "joy and gratitude rush in." Whenever you are ready to die you will find joy and gratitude rushing in -- whenever you accept. If you resist, then there is a problem. If you resist, then you will scream, your very being will scream, "Stop, Osho! Not so fast! I'm not up to it!" Nobody is up to it! Who wants to die?
And dropping all your old patterns is a great death, greater than the ordinary, physical death, because when you die ordinarily you only change the body, you change the garments. Your old habits, old patterns of thinking and feeling, continue in a new life, in a new body. Just the surface changes, nothing else.
The ordinary death is really ordinary; it is not much of a death. It only scratches the surface; it changes your skin, that's all. Otherwise you remain the same person: death after death you remain the same person.
But the death that happens in a love affair with a master is absolute, irrevocable. It is a point of no return. You cannot go back, you cannot fall back to the old patterns again; that becomes impossible. You have to go on moving ahead. And, of course, the mind screams, "Stop, Osho!" But because I love you, I cannot stop. Because I love you, I have to kill you.
"Sweetheart," gushed the ardent swain, "let me adore your lovely face and I will buy you a sable muff. Let me hold your hand and I will give you a red fox scarf. Let me kiss you and I will give you a mink cape. Let me...."
"Stop!" cried the girl. "That's fur enough!"
Yes, Amitabh, many times you will scream, "That's far enough!" But I cannot stop. I am utterly helpless in that way; it is not within my hands to stop. I have to go on. The more you scream, the faster I have to go, so that soon the work is done.
Your screaming is coming from your mind. And your question is significant, because your heart is feeling deep joy and gratitude.
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