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have a feeling of belonging.
My feeling is that up to now you have lived in one way -- that was rebellious, a little eccentric. Sannyas has changed something in you, your meditations have changed something in you. You don't feel so rebellious, you are feeling more in tune with the eternal tradition of religion. You don't want to be individual any more -- you want to efface yourself.
Long hair gives individuality. If you shave one thousand people and have them standing naked, you will not be able to find out who is who -- the shaven heads look almost the same. Much individuality comes about through the hair. That's why women are so interested in hair: it gives them individuality, personality. With shaven-headed women you will not see much difference between the homely and the beautiful. In fact, in the african tribes, to find out the real beauty they shave the women, because then only rarely does one woman stand out as beautiful; the other ninety-nine percent will simply disappear in the mob. Something has changed in you -- the rebelliousness. You have dropped something. You want to be at ease with the past, not in conflict; you want to be restful and relaxed, you want to belong. And you don't want any signature of your own -- you want to efface yourself.
This is symbolic of effacement, of losing your face, that's why you felt as if a layer has dropped... it has dropped! Long hair and a beard gives you personality, it gives you persona, it is a mask. Looking in the mirror you will see that you are a totally different person, you cannot recognise that you are the same... a discontinuity, something has disappeared, something has fallen away.
Good! Just try to understand this message. You are not the type who can be rebellious; that will be a strain on you. You are not the type who wants to stand alone and separate. You are the type who would like to simply be lost, whom nobody knows about. In that abandonment you will feel rest and relaxation. I am not saying that this is so for everybody -- there are different types of people. And religion happens in two ways: either it is traditional or it is rebellious. The rebellious person will like
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