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just one scream, a deep scream, with your not holding it in any way but just becoming the scream. It will come from the navel and it will shake your whole body. It will almost be a surprise to you how much you have been holding it. Because you have to hold it continuously, that's why the tension. Once it is released the tension will go.
So I will suggest that while you are there you do one thing every night: before you go to sleep, just sit in this way [she is sitting upright with her legs folded under her], hold this box in your hands this way and just sit silently. Start feeling that you are a small child, a very small child. Go back as far as you can -- become just a small child, very small, helpless, in the crib. If you feel like lying down, lie down, but feel like a small child, nobody to look after you. It is a dark night and you are very much afraid... you cannot find where the mother is, where the father is -- you seem to be abandoned by them. What can a small child do when he or she is abandoned ? He will kick, he will scream, he will cry loudly so somebody can hear -- but there is nobody to hear.
Create that mental climate -- and then you will start feeling a cry coming to you. Go into it, don't hold it; there is no point in holding it. Just go into it, sob deeply, cry, scream. Whatsoever comes, allow it, and feel as if you are a small child.
If you continue it every night for five, seven minutes, within three months, some day it will happen. So you are not to be worried that it has not happened and one month has gone -- you continue. Within three months, some day you will simply fall into that mood and it will happen, and when it happens, all these tensions will disappear.
Then come in winter and do a few groups -- particularly primal therapy will be needed, mm? And these things will go -- nothing to be worried about.
[A sannyasin who is a photographer said she was feeling low energy and disinterested in photography.]
... This comes again and again in everybody's life: whatsoever you are doing you get tired of, you get fed up, you get bored with it. It is very easy to be interested in a new thing -- it needs great
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