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Main Index
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ego. Who is this 'I' who wants to die? That is going to be your last achievement, the last ego-fulfillment -- that you want to be egoless. Why ? When the whole world is so full of ego, only chidvilas wants to become egoless. That is very egoistic, isn't it so? (laughter) When the whole world is so full of ego you have also to be with the ego. Why should you be egoless? When the whole world is ignorant why do you want to be enlightened? There is nothing else to do about it. This is the whole game, the same game: chasing your tail again and again! Now egolessness is the goal. A great spiritual something has to happen to you -- you cannot be satisfied. This is greed! Why can't you accept things as they are?
Now your whole effort is creating anxiety. Accept -- in deep acceptance the mind disappears. Accept the ego and the ego will die, because when you accept there is no point in the ego being alive. How can it be alive? It lives through ambition, it lives through desire. Something has to be achieved: power, prestige, spirituality, nirvana. Something has to be achieved; an object is there.
The ego lives through projecting new goals. If you accept that whatsoever is, is, there is no projection and the ego disappears. There is nothing to project -- nowhere to go: chidvilas is chidvilas! When one has accepted, one accepts so totally that there is not even a slight effort to be somebody else.
This is real transformation -- not to desire transformation.
[The sannyasin says: I see it as being a wall. I would like it to be broken.]
So let it be there... let it be the wall! Everybody is facing it. You want something special which is not happening to anybody -- that's the trouble. You want to become a buddha, fast and instant, and that is not happening, so you become very much disturbed. That will never happen -- it was not happening even to buddha himself. When he was trying he was in the same mess as you are!
For six years he was trying everything -- standing on his head, fasting, mantram, kundalini, and chakras -- and nothing was happening! He knew that nothing was happening, and he was chasing it like a mad dog. Then one day he recognised
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