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a foreplay to persuade the other person to have sex. For a wife or a husband no persuasion is needed, they are taken for granted. A husband can demand, a wife can demand, there is no need to persuade. So love disappears. There is no need to court. It is almost impossible to see how a wife can love the husband, how a husband can love the wife. They can only pretend. And that pretension becomes a heavy, heavy thing on everybody. Pretending love! Then your life feels meaningless.
That's why people get into extra marital relationships: it gives you a little energy again, a little feeling of love, because with the new person you have to court again. You cannot take the other for granted, you have to persuade. Before you seduce, persuasion will be needed. Your love is just a persuasion. It cannot be otherwise, because love happens only when you have become a unity -- not before. The word 'sex' is very beautiful. The original root of the word 'sex' means division -- sex means division.
If you are divided inside, then sex will be there. When you hanker after a woman or a man, what is happening? Your one part is hankering to meet the other part but you are trying to meet the other outside. You can meet for a single moment, but again you will be alone, because outside there can be no eternal meeting. Sex is bound to be just momentary because the other is the other.
If you meet your inner woman or man inside then the meeting can be eternal. And when all divisions are lost this meeting happens. This is an alchemical transformation: your woman and man meet inside and you become one. And when you are one, you will have love.
Love is a quality of a Buddha or a Christ or a Chuang Tzu. You are just playing with false coins, you cannot love. And the more you understand it, the better it is, because then you will not be fooled and you will not be fooling others.
Once you are a unity, Chuang Tzu has happened to you also, and: WHEN THE HEART IS RIGHT, 'FOR' AND 'AGAINST' ARE FORGOTTEN.
NO DRIVES, NO COMPULSIONS, NO NEEDS, NO ATTRACTIONS: THEN YOUR AFFAIRS ARE UNDER CONTROL. YOU ARE A FREE MAN.
Right now you have obsessions, compulsions,
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